I don't want to seem like a complainer but I am just completely, utterly, absolutely exhausted. I still function like a regular human being for most of the day, aside from a desperate tug to nap between two and three every afternoon, but I'm in shambles by the end of the day and I dread night time.
I just wonder how many other babies do this (because I must be the only one suffering like this right?). She's nine months old and she'll wake, on average, 4-8 times each night. Sometimes my husband can soothe her back to sleep, as he did just ten minutes ago, but usually she wants to nurse. I can no longer attribute the wakings to being away from home or a cold or teething because it has become our new normal, we're going into our third month of consecutive sleepless nights.
My biggest problem is that I haven't scaled back commitments. I'm not taking time for myself to relax and recoup during the day. I don't, and my husband certainly doesn't, understand why I can't give myself a break. I think it's because I desperately want to feel normal. I'm hanging onto my preconceived notions that my life would be normalizing at this point. I feel entitled to enjoy my maternity leave and visit my friends, go for walks, go shopping or swimming or whatever.
Trusty Google is failing me, I can't seem to find anything useful on the world wide web. Help mommas, help.
Posts
To quote your "Night Feedings" post:
ReplyDelete"I'm going to continue nursing her when she wakes up at night until I'm too tired to handle it any more."
Are you there yet?
Maybe the doula (sp?) had the right idea?...
I'm not sure. She's changed since the last time. She just mildly protested before and now she gets really mad. I'm don't think I can handle the crying. I keep thinking it won't last much longer.
ReplyDeleteLast night Emil brought her to me when she was awake and it was a lot easier. She only woke up three times while I slept.
I agree with Philip :)
ReplyDeleteGina, Mila was exactly like that, some nights she'd wake up 8-10 times, others 2-3 times, I would nurse her every time and we did not sleep for 3 years, just like I told you :) Gina, it will only get worse with time.
You want to get out of this situation, give her a nice solid meal, nurse her to sleep, give her to Emil and he'll place her in her crib. When she wakes up, get him to go in to gently caress her face or back ONCE and leave the room, don't let her cry for more than a minute or two like many books tell you, she will get used to this and wake less and less. She does not need to eat THAT often, 6-8 hours without breastmilk at night is perfectly fine, give her a nice meal before bed and breastfeed her, that's enough calories to last her 'till the morning feeding.
Can you imagine going back to work and still waking up many times at night to nurse your babe, you won't have any working brain cells :)
I am exactly where you are - Owen is waking up the same amount, sometimes to eat, sometimes wanting to get up and play. I think it's the age they're at? It's been like this for months, though.
ReplyDeleteI am so torn about what to do. During the day, I know I don't want to let him cry, but sometimes at night I get so desperate, I feel like putting the side on his crib and just letting him crawl around in there and cry. I think the reason we haven't done that is that we've agreed not to make any decisions about changes like this while it's the middle of the night. Daytime always feels better. I know if my heart I don't want to let him cry - I don't think I could. I'm okay with him waking one or two times for a long while yet. But every hour or two is too much.
So no solution to offer, just commiseration. Also, here's a link that I thought was interesting about research on 'Cry-it-out' methods in babies under 1 year: http://www.talaris.org/pdf/research/CIOPoster.pdf
I'll add one thing, though - as you know, we co-sleep, and that does make it easier, there's no doubt in my mind. I know that it doesn't make sense for you to have Petra in your bed with you guys, but I really believe the best arrangement is the one where everyone gets the most sleep. Could you sleep with her in her bedroom in the extra bed? That way you or Emil wouldn't have to get up to get her every time? It's tricky, though, cause then she'll get used to it and you'll have to transition he back to her bed at some point. I just really believe we should have other options besides 1) Let your baby cry and cry or 2) get up every hour and be so sleep deprived.
Lindsay
Wow that is just brutal, Gina! Obviously you & Emil will have to decide what is right for you. All I can say is what I might do in your situation. I would definitely get that sleep doula back because she seemed to help. I would also try to get Petra on a bottle so that someone else can feed her. I agree with the other posters that her constant night waking probably isn't due to hunger at this stage. Given that you're due to go back to work soon I would consider looking for a night nanny. I heard of someone who hired a nanny just to take care of the baby during the night hours so that mom & dad could get some rest and go to work the next day. I don't see any other way you can possibly go back to work.
ReplyDeleteSo what about you, your identity, your interests, hobbies and self? You mentioned this briefly in your post but it is a HUGE thing! Women aren't raised to have babies anymore. We're raised to get university degrees, apartments, careers, rrsps and then get married and have babies. What nobody tells you is that you have to put away a surprising amount of your 'self' for a few years when you become a mom. This has been really hard for me and other moms I've talked to. At the moment, I'm a shell of my intellectual, saxophone playing, Canadian urbanista, public transit afficionado self. I now live in the burbs, drive a sensible vehicle, play toilet-paper-roll digereedoo to amuse my kids, and read canadian tire flyers in the bathroom. I still buy the brainy books that I want to read but never get a chance to read them (nor do I seem to have the requisite brain cells right now).
I complain but I've learned to let go. I know that I am nowhere near as interesting as I used to be but that I will be interesting again someday. I ABSOLUTELY 100% KNOW that I WILL read, play bari sax, and do all kinds of new fun things in the future. For now, however, the kids and I need each other and we're all just happy to have a nap.
Lee
ps: This silly little cartoon has kind of become my mommy mantra...
http://www.marciaconner.com/images/Baby_Blues-101705.gif
gina, i wish i could help but you know maya did exactly the same thing starting at 7 months
ReplyDeletei've brought her into our bed since and lately she has been sleeping a lot better, only waking up a couple of times for a quick nurse and then back to sleep
hang in there!
daniela :)
Gina - I feel for you. If she's waking up that many times through the night and you've exhausted different methods, then you should consider scaling back on your commitments. Take one activity/outing out of the day. For now, frig normal - you need some rest!
ReplyDeleteBenjamin still wakes up a couple of times through the night, and Abi wakes up about 3-4 times (on a good night). Unfortunately, this means that Mike and I are rarely in the same bed together. I used to completely dread bedtime, and resent Mike b/c he had the easy task of putting Benjamin down. When I mentioned this to Mike he was really surprised.
I mentioned raising the crib to you before... I don't know if it's a coincidence, but since I placed bed blocks under the crib she's slept a wee bit better. It took a few nights though b/c I think I had the bed raised too high once, and had to re-adjust. However, it really did help that her crib was next to me.
OH - I just thought of something... have you tried adjusting what time you put her down? I once read that a mom adjusted bedtime by 30 minutes and noticed a huge difference. Just a thought...
Carol
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSo, here's what I know about you. You have great instincts. You read people very well, and that includes your daughter. You are a social person and enjoy having time to do social things.
ReplyDeleteI also know that you have a great group of friends, which is obvious from the advice here. Now is the time to step back and trust your decision on how to move forward. It'll be the right decision for your family.
Hang in there!! I will certainly be thinking of you when I'm up who-knows-how-many times tonight!!
I'm going to change my answer a bit based on Sonia's recent behaviour. Our girls are the same age. Here's what my wee Sonia ate yesterday evening:
ReplyDelete5:00pm 2 hard boiled egg yolks, 2 pieces of torn up bread, 2-3 Tbs cold peas, half container of blueberry yogurt
7:00pm meatloaf, mashed potatoes and carrots
9:00pm 7oz formula.
Now that's just the evening. I'm not stuffing her. She is eating absolutely everything I put in front of her and screaming for more. She is also sleeping for much longer than she usually does. I'm pretty sure hunger doesn't fully explain Petra's waking but it might explain part of it.
Lee
I just remembered Gina, I had one friend that was in the same situation. What she did was start timing her night feedings so that they took less and less time each day and eventually widdled down to a couple minutes at a time, and then nothing. Of course ther was some crying involved, but it stopped and was never for long.
ReplyDelete